Learning to Breathe

Sigh.

No one actually teaches us how to breathe. Which makes sense - we all learn that breathing is automatic. On one hand, it is! We do not have to intentionally think about breathing. But, but on the other hand, if we take the time to use our breath in a way that supports our mental and physical health, the benefits are transformative.

Learning to breathe is a process of un-learning automatic breathing patterns, and re-learning how to breathe in an intentional and helpful way. We may develop unhelpful breathing habits growing up (no shame - again - one taught us!), which actually make our anxiety feel more intense (see: shallow breathing). Some of us have good habits (see: belly breathing), but we only focus on controlling our breath when we are gulping for air through tears or experiencing a panic attack. We do not give ourselves an opportunity to practice helpful breathing techniques before we actually need them.

It makes sense we would prefer to not pay attention to our breathing. After all, we want to avoid thinking about experiences that remind us of pain or distress. In our avoidance, we reinforce the idea that our breathing (at best) is out of our control, and (at worst) painful, debilitating, and scary. When we are unable to control our breathing, our body can feel like a scary place to be.

How can we learn effective breathing techniques, that can establish a more empowering and supportive relationship with our body?

Enter box breathing. From ER doctors to Navy Seals, professionals in high-stress, high-focus occupations use this controlled method of breathing to keep their bodies from moving into a state of fight or flight, dissociation, or panic when the stakes are high.

In my personal experience, one of the key components of box breathing is practicing it before we really need to use it. Taking moments to be aware of the sensations in our body, and practicing breathing when we are calm, allows us to develop a comforting, predictable and familiar relationship with the sensations associated with our breath. We build a confidence that we can control our breath (when stakes are low!) that we can harness when anxiety arises.

Consistently and intentionally setting aside time to practice breathing is the way to start learning a new way to feel in control of your body. I get it - it’s hard to set aside time. So, practice wherever and whenever you have 1-2 minutes a day. That’s all it takes.

Below are outlined steps of how to begin to embrace a more empowering relationship with your body and breath:

Step 1: Find a quiet place where you feel safe.

Step 2: Lie down, sit or stand. Whatever position is the easiest to feel your breath move through your nose, and flow all the way down to our stomach, is the most effective position when we are learning these new skills.

Step 3: Close your eyes if it feels comfortable to you.

Step 4: Breath in for a count of 4

Step 5: Hold your breath for a count of 4

Step 6: Exhale slowly for a count of 4

Step 7: Hold the out breath for a count of 4

Step 8: Repeat 3-5 times.

Step 9: Recognize how difficult this practice is, and know it gets easier the more you practice.

Step 10: Give yourself a pat on the back for beginning to re-learn a healthy relationship with your breath.